What is it, about men and sports?

What is it, about men and sports?

Like seriously, I would like to know, from some of you real men out there, why you forget about everything else that exits when you are thinking about / watching / planning sports? 

The kids can be going crazy around you - you don't notice. 

Your wife is running around trying to get everything done even though it's the weekend and she'd love to plonk herself down with a good book - but you don't notice. 

Said wife starts banging cupboard doors and slamming things down on the table in front of you - still, nothing permeates.

Dinner is on the table - very slight reaction to the possibility of food. Need I continue? (I would like to say, at this point, that yes, I am talking largely about myself here but am hoping that more than one other woman will relate - please tell me I'm not alone!).

And I would love to hear from you real women out there, who live with such real men, on how you manage life with these guys that I know you love with all your hearts?

Please don't get me wrong, I love my man to bits. I'm just trying to understand one of these "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" differences.

So anyway, I don't really have anything to add at this point other than I'm extremely interested in reading you, and I am seriously in need of a glass of red wine!

Kia kaha! Be strong!

Why do I write?

Yeah - why do I write? It's a question many people have asked me, and which I have asked myself more than once. I often tell myself, "heck, what's the point?". I mean, there are so many blogs out there, what more could I have to say? But then I'm like, well that's a pretty self-demeaning thing to say... And my blog is partly about just that, finding my voice as a Mum, but also as a human being trying to find her way on this planet and in this mayhem of life options and journeys.

Then last week, honest and inspiring blogger Angela at The Sponge wrote about why she wrote, and asked me if I'd be keen to be part of this blog nomination chain thing where you tell everyone who's interested in reading you why you write. I love reading Angela's blogs. She's honest and straight up and I can often relate to her. So I was more than keen to take up the challenge. Yes! I thought. Here's a good excuse to really think about this.

Anyway, I better get to the list of questions I'm supposed to be answering!

Why do I write?

I guess for me, writing has always been about just that: thinking more deeply about things. There's a kind of magic that goes on between my brain, my heart and my fingers when it comes to writing. Once things are written down, I see everything more clearly! I so wish I had the energy to get up and write in the middle of the night when my brain is going round and round in circles. Sigh - the sad truth is I can't lift my head off the pillow or dare to wake up my husband in the process. And so the thin threads of inspiration, the faint hue of clarity which are teasing me at the horizon of my brain disappear into dark slumber. And I wake up in the morning thinking, "darn, that would have been an awesome blog post! or an awesome poem!"

How does my writing differ from others in its genre?

Well that's a hard one to answer because I haven't read all the blogs out there. But, I guess I write as I would talk to you if we were face to face. I want to feel close to my readers, and them to feel close to me.

How does my writing process work?

Usually I'm most inspired when sitting in a cafe people watching and drinking good quality coffee. You know, the "well-balanced just the right heat" kind of coffee. I'll sit there with my notebook and hand write my posts first usually, then type it up when I have some time, add gorgeous photos, and put my article online. There are only a very few cafes where I find inspiration.

I always have blog article ideas going around in my head, and quite a few that I have started writing and will finish at a later date. Often, I'll just sit there, sip my coffee and the words just flow out of me. I've always been complimented on my writing and always had great marks on my essays. I've written poems since I was 8 years old. I just love writing. It's something that comes naturally to me.

What am I working on?

Well, nothing really, other than what I'm writing to you right now. I don't have any other big writing projects on the go, but I do dream of writing a book one day. I sometimes tell people that "I have a book in me somewhere, but I haven't found it yet". Exciting!

 

Why do I write what I do?

First and foremost, I write for myself. Because I need to. Because I become this miserable frustrated grumpy person when I don't.

Secondly, I write in the hope that laying myself bare on the big public platform will help and encourage you, my reader. That you will not feel so alone in your struggle with weight loss or depression or parenthood. That you will find inspiration for yummy food.

 

And now it's nomination time!

While I happily volunteered to be tagged on The Sponge, I'm a little uncomfortable about tagging someone else. I would however love love love to hear why my very long time friend Abby, who is an amazing Missionary Mum, writes. I would also love love love to read why my sweet friend Elisabeth writes. So if you're keen to play along, ladies, and would like to tell us why you write (to post next Monday), let me know and I'll add a link to your blogs!

It's the little things

It's the little things that matter these days.

Not the "where will we be living in 5 years time?" big things.

No.

It's the "I'm enjoying this cup of coffee", or "the kids only fought 4 times today", or "the sun is shining", or "I can read a book for 5 minutes", or "wow, look at these flowers" things.

I've found life hard since coming back from our European "holiday" visiting family. Jet lag, sick kids, new routines, training a new au pair, a very busy husband at work, kids constantly at each other, Mr. 2 waking through the night, manners that seem to have stayed stuck in that last Air New Zealand flight to Wellington. The list goes on and on. The daily grind has been bearing down on me.

Last Saturday, my husband had to work, my au pair was sick, and Mister 2 was a M.O.N.S.T.E.R. He just cried and whined and said no. He wanted to "help" me vacuum (now that I think of it though, why was I even trying to do any housework on such a day??). He provoked his sister incessantly. She, for once, was being quite nice to him. No matter how often I separated him from his sister or redirected his attention, I was unsuccessful.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. Have you been there? Please tell me you have!

In the end, I arm-wrestled screaming and kicking Mr. 2 into his pram, grabbed Miss 5 and her scooter and we all zoomed down to the local beach cafe. Five minutes later, they were both calm and happy with ice creams, while I sipped a life-saving mug of tea (dreaming it was in fact red wine!).

I thought to myself, "I deserve a medal".

Every Mum should have a medal somewhere, that she can whip out and put around her neck for getting through hard moments. I'm actually considering making myself one!

Anyway, to get back to my story, when my husband (finally!) got home, I said to him, "please hug me tight and long". Bless him, he did.

After that day, I thought that from now on, I was going to focus on enjoying the little things in life. The big things will wait for awhile.

So, as I write to you, I'm enjoying an hour of "Mummy time", eating a slice of delish pizza, and drinking a hot cappuccino. And I am so thankful for my dear hubby who got home from work earlier than expected and graciously said, "go".

What is your go-to tactic when parenting becomes too much? Do you hide a medal somewhere that you pull out? How do you get through the daily grind?

I hope this post encouraged you. You are not alone finding your way around motherhood. And some days, even though you may have read heaps of parenting books and articles, you may have seen all these cool kid activities on facebook, you just don't have the energy. And it's okay. You're still going to get to the other side. And when you do, pat yourself on the back and say "well done". You are growing precious children, and if that's not the most important job in the world, I don't know what is.

Kia Kaha! Be Strong!

Belonging

When the mind is in one place, the body in another, and the heart is torn between the two.

I have felt my roots tentatively reach out towards the soil where I'm living at the moment, and very cautiously test its feel, its dampness and its adequacy. But the earth beneath my feet is never quite right. Having once been uprooted, I do not know where I really belong, other than with those I love.
Some of them - the wider family - are on one side of the world, the others - my husband and children - are on the other side, my current side.

I consider myself a fundamentally happy and positive person. And yet there is this deep underlying melancholy and dissatisfaction with life. Where I'm living is never quite right. My work is never quite the right one. I'm constantly persuaded that there is better. And yet this "better" is always slightly out of reach.

As I sit here, writing this post in a concert hall, listening to the NZ Trio playing Dvorak's Third Piano Trio, who was deeply influenced by the Bohemian music from his homeland, I can't help but wonder... where IS my homeland?

My heart, body and mind have been forever undecided, and unable to decide. I am coming to the conclusion that this is to be my reality. Yet my heart aches for the unity of all three. I wonder if all Third Culture Kids identify with such a feeling of unending quest for peace of mind, body and heart.

If you're in that place too, I'd love to hear from you. If you've been in that place, but you've found a way to grasp such peace, I'd love to hear from you too.

As the concert drew to an end, it dawned on me that I am raising Third Culture Kids myself. I'm not a missionary or a diplomat, but my husband and I simply live in another country from the one we call home (it is home to my husband, it is a home to me). I must admit that I don't like the idea that my children will battle with the same feelings of inadequacy and lack of belonging, that they will grow up purple (I love this blog post by a Mum of TCKs). It is yet another battle that I want to win, for their sake as much as mine. I don't look forward to tearing my children's tender roots from this soil, and relocating them to the other side of the world. That day will come though, and when it does, I will be there with all the empathy a TCK Mum can have. But I won't have all the answers. And as Pooh Bear says so well:

Kia Kaha! Be strong!

Fresh Fennel and Chicken Salad

Fresh Fennel and Chicken Salad

Serves 1

I was on my own at home for lunch the other day - a very rare occurrence, I can tell you! I wanted a fresh salad, but I also wanted plenty of protein to keep me going through the afternoon. I let my creativity take over my fridge and voilà, this delicious salad was born!

1/2 fennel bulb, thinly sliced

5 cherry tomatoes, halved

1 small red capsicum/bell pepper, sliced

1/2 - 3/4 cup shredded poached chicken

1/4 cup Italian parsley

1 egg

Reduced Balsamic dressing

Assemble the first 5 ingredients on the plate. Drizzle with Balsamic dressing (or any other dressing). Fry or poach an egg, keeping the yolk beautifully runny. When it's ready, place on top of the salad.

Bon appétit!

Your smile could change a life

It's been a long silence from me. I've been living life. Or rather trying to catch up with life. Or maybe it was just surviving. I'm not too sure, and it doesn't really matter. I'm back!

Winnie the Pooh is such a wise bear...

At our church, we have something at Easter called "Stations of the Cross". The story of Easter is divided into stations. Each station represents one part of the Easter story and is illustrated by a volunteer. I don't consider myself arty, but after much thought and hesitation, I accepted to do one.

Station 10, "Simon helps Jesus carry His cross", jumped out at me. It spoke to me because when I was at the very bottom of my post natal depression hole, and I couldn't carry my burden alone, a few very precious people helped me carry my cross.

My parents flew over from Switzerland (that's over 30 hours of travel!). He carried, burped and fed my newborn son.She cooked, cleaned and entertained my bewildered preschool daughter.

My husband was there and didn't abandon me when I was at my least attractive or appealing. I looked like crap, felt like crap, and behaved like crap. But he loved me. He stayed.

Friends brought over meals.

One friend visited and helped me realize I needed help.

Another friend came over when I was alone with the kids and having a panic attack. She listened, and she prayed. She stayed.

A few friends came to just be with me so I wasn't alone with the children.

A very dear couple did the housework before my parents arrived.

My midwife told me to stop breastfeeding (yes, she did, in New Zealand!) because it was destroying me and I felt like I needed her permission to stop.

My close friends accepted me through that time, even if they didn't fully understand.

And there are others.

Thank you. A thousand times THANK YOU. You know who you are.

You saved my life, one kind gesture at a time. You helped me carry my cross. It didn't weigh over 135kgs like Jesus' cross did. But it might as well have. And I know it wasn't easy for those who helped me. Helping someone you love is often very hard. It can be a hard step to take. It can be fairly easy to ignore. It can hurt to take it. You may want to turn back several times.

Simon helps Jesus carry His cross

Imagine Simon, stepping out of the crowd who was mocking and humiliating Jesus, to help Jesus carry an unbearably heavy cross in the burning heat, up a hill, and knowing that he may very well be crucified too for helping his friend. Yet he did it. Out of love.

How often, in our busy lives, do we ignore the prompting to help one another. We're too busy. It's too hard. It would take too long. What would people think? What would people say? What will I get out of it? It would hurt too much. I'd feel embarrassed. I just can't be bothered...

Let me encourage you to pick up that cross, to reach out and to help. One smile is sometimes all it takes.

You could be saving a day, saving a life.

Kia Kaha! Be strong!

13 Steps to Positive Body Image

Okay, so I'm far from being an expert here. But I'm 33 and I've lived through two post natal depressions and losing 20kgs, so I've kinda had to do quite a bit of work on myself and how I see and accept myself.

So I thought I'd share with you what I've learned that does actually work. I hope it encourages you where you are at, and that you will find some ideas to help you along the road to positive body image.

1) Be thankful for everything your body CAN do.

2)  Find at least one thing about your body that you like and focus on that.

3) Think about how you can enhance that part of your body that you like. It could be with make-up, clothes, a new bra, nail polish, etc.

4) Do one thing for yourself every day. It could be as little as having a HOT cup of tea or coffee, or spraying on some perfume.

5) Make "Mummy / Daddy time" a priority. It is essential that you, as a parent, have some time to yourself to recharge. Otherwise, your tank will run dry, and you will run on empty, and everyone around you will pay for it. My husband and I have a deal: every weekend, he gets up to half a day to do his thing, and I get up to half a day.

If for some reason it doesn't work out once in a while, that's life. Don't beat yourself up. Take a deep breath and get through to the following week.

6) Make a list of what you'd enjoy doing during your "Mummy / Daddy time". Plan what you could do for your next one. You can't imagine all the positive energy that courses through you as you look forward to it during the week.

7) Choose one thing about your body that you don't like and think about how you could change that around. I hated my stretch marks after having babies, but I've now changed my mind. I now love them because if I didn't have them, I wouldn't have my two gorgeous children to love and cherish.

8) Once you've achieved number 7, choose another thing you don't like and work on that one. I'm working on my dislike of my thighs at the moment. Brrr... I shiver at the thought of them.

9) Accept that if you're a woman, you will probably never be entirely happy about your body - and that's OK.

10) Ask your partner what he/she loves about your body. You might be surprised and it could help you like those bits of you that you struggle with.

11) Thank God every day (or every time you think of it) for being alive and for being you.

12) On your mirror, write "I am beautiful".

13) Remind yourself that "true beauty" is not simply skin deep. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.

I love that we are all beautiful. I love that we are all made unique and priceless.

What are your steps to positive body image? What helps or has helped you?

Kia Kaha! Be strong!

PS. Yes, I do love Audrey Hepburn. I believe she's one of the most beautiful women, inside and out.