Saturday, September 26, 2015

My hubby can survive without me!

Yep. He can.

I doubted it. I doubted him.

I recently came back from a 9 day trip to Africa. On my own. Hubby and the two kids stayed at home. And while I jokingly asked our church family to pray for them and to pray that they would still be alive when I came back, deep down, I was not joking.

Would he feed them enough? Would he get them to bed not too late? Would he get them to school on time? Would he remember to give Mr. 3 a mid morning snack? Would he remember swimming, and soccer?

Would they be okay without me?

How incredibly judgemental and self-centred.

Sure, I am the glue and the tower of strength and organization in this family (no exaggeration!), but my husband is an amazing and capable man. Sure, when I'm around he has a tendency to lean on me and to depend on my capabilities a little too much. But, he is a very capable man.

So, when I left for the airport, I decided to leave behind all my anxieties and truly believe that they would be okay. What other choice did I have anyway? Worrying was only going to spoil my trip. And here was my chance to truly believe in my husband and to trust him entirely.

I believe that us Mums tend not to give our husbands and partners enough responsibilities and credibility. How demeaning is that! Men thrive on trust and when we're proud of them and their accomplishments. And yet, we deprive them of so much because we want to be "in control" - whatever that means. Or because we think we can do it better, or faster. Well, I do that anyway. I am so wrong!

I was so wrong.

When I came back, the kids were alive! My hubby was alive, albeit tired and relieved to have me home. The kids had been clothed, fed and at school mostly on time (and let's be real, they're often late with me!). Swimming was only forgotten once, the house was vaccumed and two loads of washing were done.

A photo hubby sent me while I was away

But most importantly, the kids were happy. And my hubby was proud.

The thing that astonished me the most however, was that my hubby had been very proactive about educational issues such as hitting. His new rule, which I am keeping to as much as I can, is "You hit your sister/brother, you go on the thinking step for 2 minutes". Straight away. No discussions. No second chances. That takes a lot of energy. And determination.

Unfortunately, he did not manage to get Mr. 3 to do poos on the toilet. Oh well. I'll just keep working on that one.

The thing is, I don't believe enough in my husband on the home front. And maybe that's why he isn't very engaged. I don't give him room to do things his way.

That is going to change. I know he can do it, and do it well. So I'm trying to give him space, and he's trying not to fall back into the habit of relying on me so much. He has seen what it takes to manage the home front and is much more appreciative of what I do. And I love it when he steps in and manages the kids' (mis)behaviour.

My husband is my hero and today I honour him for everything he does and has done for our family. He is one amazing man, husband and father. I am so blessed to be his wife.

With the love of my life


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