My first rambling!

Welcome to the ramblings of an imperfect Maman!

So, after many years of thinking about it, and thinking about it, and finding lots of excuses not to do it, I'm going to give this blog thing a go.

But really, what do I have to say that's not already out there somewhere? Probably nothing. Hopefully though, some of you will recognise yourselves in these lines and posts, or will find some interesting information. And why start today? I was hanging the cloth diapers outside a few minutes ago, and thought, "I've got to do this now". Who knew that cloth diapers could be so inspiring?

I actually do a lot of thinking when I hang them out. It's that tiny piece of quiet time when both kids are either busy or sleeping, and my mind can peacefully ramble on and on. Today not only was I thinking I should really start this blog, but also "why on earth did I think I was mother material?". Have you ever wondered what on earth possessed you to become a Mum? So many emotions like worry, anxiety and fear that I could do without!

I spent most of last week in the hospital's Children's Ward with my 4 month old. He came down with an eye infection - doesn't sound too scary, right? It's not, really. But it does require several days of IV antibiotics. The nurses were amazing. But let me tell you, spending hour upon hour in that environment of sick children and babies, with never one quiet moment, a baby who won't sleep as usual, and machines beeping constantly, I thought I might need to be hospitalized in a mental institution. How do parents with very sick kids manage it? I admire them hugely! As it was, I spent those 4 days mostly crying or trying not to, and praising God for my dear husband who spent two nights there, and our amazing au pair who spent one night. Mostly sleepless nights!

As I was there, I kept wondering what I could have done differently. Was it my fault? Well, you know the drill if you're a Mum too. Every Mum I talked to had the same questions. And despite the nurses and doctors telling us that it wasn't our fault, we still doubted. And then I thought, hey, I'm doing my best here. So yep, I don't feel strong enough to spend the night here. That's ok. Yep, I'm crying and feeling like a bad Mum. But really, I'm giving my child all I have to give. And what could be better than that? Enough of this motherly self-flogging!

So let's all give ourselves a pat on the back. Well done to all of you Mums out there!