What the F(ish)?

I do my groceries once a week. Have done for years now (see why here). It saves money and time, and since I hate doing it, why do it more often?

So on Wednesday my little boy and I went off to our local supermarket for our weekly shop. He's 3. He likes helping. It's pretty sweet, but can also get kinda annoying, especially if I'm in a hurry. 

So I try not to be in a hurry.

He helps pick out the fruit and vegetables. He helps stick the labels on the plastic bags. He's beaming. I try to kiss him but he dodges my attempts with swift precision and practise.

He's not too interested in the meat. We go passed the fish. There's whole fish, there's fish heads, there's fish fillets and there's seafood. I keep going. We get to the dairy. He says "Stop Mamma". And points back to the fish. Okay, I get it. We go back. "Die?" he asks. "Yes, the fish are dead". He points to the fillets. "Ça non fish", he tells me in his cute Frenglish (aka mixture of French and English). He's adamant. So I explain that the fillets are the whole fish, but cut up and ready to eat. No answer.

We move on to the dairy. I put some butter and cheese in my trolley. "Stop Mamma", he says again. And points back to the fish. At this point, I physically feel the choice I have in front of me. I can either tell him that we need to move on now, that we've seen the fish, and "let's go and get some ham". Or, I can turn the trolley around and go back.

I go back. We do the same thing again. Say the same things again. Silence. We move on.

I add the Greek yoghurt and the milk to the trolley. "Stop Mamma". I look at him. At his gorgeous green-brown eyes looking at me so earnestly. I feel laughter bubbling up.

I go back. He points at the fish fillets. "Me mam-mam ça?" he asks. I smile and make sure I got his meaning, "Would you like Mummy to get you some fish for your lunch?". "Yep", he answers, very satisfied. So I get him a fillet of Tarakihi, our favourite New Zealand fish.

We finish our groceries and go home. For lunch, I pan-fry his fish fillet. He very quickly polishes it off.

He's happy. I'm happy.

I have to record these precious moments. They come and go so quickly. I fee like if I write them down then they won't be able to escape into the infinity of the past. Thanks for reading me today. Please tell me your stories!

Kia kaha! Be Strong!

Confessions of an Envious Mum

If you like school holidays, I envy you.

If you like school holidays, I don't understand you.

If you like school holidays, I'd gladly swap with you.

But alas, the latter isn't possible. So I better leave all my lack of understanding and wishful thinking aside, and get on with reality. Which is, I DON'T LIKE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. There, I've said it. In fact, I don't like weekends either. Every Friday I hear my husband say, "yay! it's the weekend!". My heart just plummets and inside I think "shit, it's the weekend". I know it's very un-PC to be admitting this, but it's the truth. Weekends and school holidays, all our routines and little habits go out the window, and my introverted-people-loving-self (I know this may not make sense) is left with two kids under 6 who squabble squabble squabble, need me most of the time, and suck all energy out of me.

Please understand. I LOVE MY KIDS! I really do. I WANTED KIDS. I really did. But I just don't like being with them for more than a few hours at a time without a break. Yeah yeah, I know, one day I'll look back with nostalgia, bla bla bla. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll relish the "kids are older" stage a lot more than I can relish the "my kids are little and needy" stage. Who knows?

In the meantime, if you like the school holidays, I envy you. A lot. I don't know why, but despite having things organized, I found these winter holidays particularly hard. Into the first week, I asked some of you for some tips on a Mummy Facebook page and I got some good ideas:

Okay, so if you're like me, you look at the lists above and freak out thinking, "eeeeek, I can't do all that". Believe me, it's not about doing all that. It's about having ideas ready so that you can pick and choose depending on:

a) your mood

b) your kid(s)' mood(s)

c) everyone's energy levels

d) your budget.

Another great idea is to

So with all this information under my belt, I went about making lists and picking ideas from it. The kids still squabbled. They still needed attention. But at least I didn't feel like a blank page in desperate need of ideas. We did have some fun, and there were some quiet moments:

Fun in the snow (sides), and teaching my daughter how to make short crust pastry (centre)

Encouraging Daddy on the football field, drawing,
playing with Master J's new wooden parking, reading books

Also, for your own sanity, I strongly encourage you to take some time for yourself, even if it's just 15 minutes at a time! I had a few occasions to escape over the past two weeks, which were very precious moments and were made possible thanks to a few angels in my life:

A walk on my own in the sun, coffee and soup in a cafe, admiring nature

So there you have them, my lessons learned over the winter holidays 2015. Of course, if you are the kind of Mum who loves the school holidays, you probably don't need all these ideas. You come up with them naturally, or you don't need a plan. You just enjoy hanging out with your kids for two weeks. I am in awe of you. But I am also in awe of Mums like me, who find it hard, but who get through it.

Kia kaha! Be strong!

Bloggers love comments. So if you have any ideas to add to my lists, please do share them. The more the better for the next holidays! Thank you!

In this series, you can also read:

Confessions of an Anxious Mum

Confessions of a Sleep-Deprived Mum

And if you'd like to follow me on Facebook, please click here. Thank you!

Confessions of an Anxious Mum

I've just had a pretty crappy day. In my head. With the kids.

I can just feel it sometimes, before I even get out of bed. Today's going to be hard.

And then I stop myself in my tracks and berate myself for having those thoughts and tell myself I should be positive. And then I change my mind and think "No, it's okay. Accept your thoughts for what they are". Just thoughts. 

Thoughts are just thoughts until I act on them.

I can always dream, right?

More often than not, these morning intuitions are pretty accurate. Sure enough, this morning started bright and early with Master Joakim who couldn't find his car at 5.15am. Followed by Miss Letitia at about 5.45am whose duvet was all in a tangle and who was freezing. Then I lay in bed, unable to sleep. The more time passed, the more I debated actually just getting up and doing something fruitful that would get me ahead of the game today. But my tired body won and I finally went back to sleep mere minutes before the alarm went off.

As soon as the kids were up, they started bickering, and whining, and screaming like someone was torturing them when in fact their sock wouldn't fit just so. I finally got Miss L to school (on time!), and everything quietened down. It's funny how you take one number out of the equation, and everything changes. The balance shifts.

I breathed. 

My son and I did the groceries. We had a coffee and a fluffy to reward ourselves. That's our little Wednesday routine. We went home, put away the shopping. I was about to start making lunch when my son took my hand and pulled me towards his cars and the racing track,

I paused.

I had a choice. Either tell him once again that I was busy, or stop and play with my darling wee boy.

I stopped. 

We played for 15 beautiful minutes. I looked at my boy's smiles, I heard his giggles. My eyes wanted to eat him up and my ears were tingling with love. Waves of restoring love washed over me. All the hard moments are worth it.

After school pick up, the bickering, the fighting, and the shouting resumed. I ploughed on, that frown between my eyebrows, checking the clock every few minutes and wishing my husband would come home early. He did. Then he went for a run. My heart dived and sunk. I wanted to drop everything, take the car keys, and drive off. But then my heart came rushing back up for air. My head gave it a stern talking too. 

So much goes on between my heart and my head every day. This on-going and never-ending dialogue of feelings and thoughts, of should haves and did nots, of wanting to cry and wanting to laugh. But at the centre of it all is God, and He holds me together, always. He never lets me go.

When I put my son to bed, he held my head close to his, cheek against cheek, while I sung to him. Then I put my daughter to bed. She's started this thing where she tells me "I love you" over and over before she leaves for school or before bed, because she wants to be sure it's the last thing I hear from her before we're apart. I forgot the whining and the screaming, the bickering and the never-ending demands. 

Oh the pure sweet excruciating love bursting out of my chest in these moments. 

My first child is 6. My second child is 3 next week. I still suffer from Post-Natal Depression and Anxiety. Life goes on though. It's like a river, and where I'm at just now is pretty choppy and twisty, but hey, it's a lot better than the rapids and sharp bends I was struggling through a few years ago! And even though my sweet hubby may not see it every day, I know that I'm a better person today because of everything I've been through. I can love better, I can empathize better, I can understand better, and I can be there better.

I don't know where you're at in your parenting journey. But whatever you're experiencing, you're not alone. Kia Kaha! Be Strong!

Confessions of a Sleep-Deprived Mum

First, I'd just like to underline that this stuff applies to sleep-deprived Dads too. I don't want to appear discriminating in any way. But I'm a Mum, not a Dad ;-).

I thought I'd be writing this as a Mum of a newborn, but no, it's only now, with a 6 year old and a very almost 3 year old, that I sit down to write about sleep deprivation. If you'd told me this a few years ago (read pre-children era), I would have laughed at you and told you that my kids, once over the age of 1, would not be waking me up or keeping me awake at night. Ha! So much for that.

I'm finding it a lot harder to cope with the middle of the night and early morning wake ups now, because they're not supposed to be happening! Or are they?

My kids should be old enough to know by now that creating a sleep deprived Mummy-Monster is not a desirable thing to do. At all. That their life will be more miserable for it. That the Happy-Mummy who likes playing and doing crafts and baking is absolutely not going to emerge in those circumstances. Oh no. Mummy-Monster will curl out her ugly head despite all of Happy-Mummy's efforts to reign her in.

I guess kids don't really get the concept of "shooting oneself in the foot", do they? They don't get that a sleep-deprived Mummy-Monster is really not fun to have around, and so maybe they should keep back from waking Happy-Mummy up at 2am because “I can't find my car”, or “I'm thirsty”, or “I just had to poo in the middle of the night”, or “My foot is really itchy”. And then at 5am because “My hot water bottle is cold now”, or “I'm absolutely sure there's a spider in my room”.

Once they're back in bed and I'm desperately trying to go back to sleep, I try to remember if I did the same thing to my parents. And seriously, I don't think I did. I do however remember having bad nightmares and waking my Dad up in those circumstances. But nightmares are one exception that I don't mind getting up for. And REAL sickness. Seriously, I think I was a pretty angelic child as far as sleep was concerned, once I'd passed the 1 year old stage. But hey, my Mum, who reads my blog, can correct me on this. Watch the comments section below!

So anyway, I've put together a little list of “do nots” and “dos” of a sleep deprived Mummy-Monster. This list applies not only to my close family, but anyone else I may enter into any contact with on that given day (poor souls). I do realise that my list is far from the expected “Godly Mummy” I strive to be when not sleep-deprived, but there you are, such is the reality of a sleep-deprived Mum!

****

1) do not, under any circumstances, expect me to do anything until I've had a cup of coffee.

2) do not, under any circumstances, tell me that there are people worse off than me out there.

3) do not, unless you want me to disappear for the rest of the day, speak loudly or shout or scream.

4) do not, unless you like living with risk, ask me to do anything above and beyond my basic responsibilities, which are already way too many.

5) do not empty more than one toy box. Over the whole day.

6) do not complain about the food I put in front of you (this one goes for darling hubby as well).

7) do not expect me to utter more than 2, maybe 3 sentences in a row. Rather, do expect me to be very quiet, to nod and shake my head, and growl in your general direction.

8) do not ask me how long the kids have been watching TV today as you can be sure that I'm already feeling very guilty about it.

9) do not fight.

10) do not argue.

11) accept that no means no.

12) please, please, please, do not whine.

13) do take me out for a coffee.

14) do offer to take my child/ren away for an hour.

15) do offer me a glass of red wine any time from 4.30pm.

16) please, please, please, do let me sleep tonight if you want Happy-Mummy back tomorrow!

****

Now, I really really really want to hear from you if you've somehow managed to get it into your little ones' heads that it is not a good idea to wake Happy-Mummy up at night. How do you do it?

But if you're like me, and you haven't found the magical recipe either, I really really really want to hear from you too, because then I won't feel so alone!

Kia Kaha! Be Strong!

And do leave me a comment. I just love to hear from my readers.

The New Mum Breastfeeding Station

A woman I know is going to have her first baby in July. Friends and I are organizing a baby shower for her tomorrow. It's all pretty exciting. As I thought about a present to give her, I kept coming back to a gift a dear friend gave me when my second child was born. A "Mummy breastfeeding station box". It was so practical and contained things like muesli bars, tissues, a pen, a notebook, and I could also put my phone in it. I would just pick it up, and put it down next to where I was feeding. So I thought I would make one up for my new friend, and I do believe she hasn't come across my blog yet - phew:

New Mum Breastfeeding Station

I'm pretty happy with myself! There's some yummy Frooze Balls, a notebook and 2 pens for all those thoughts and things to do that go through your head just when you're stuck in a chair breastfeeding, a cup with a lid and a straw (no risks of spilling on baby), a lip balm for those post pregnancy dry lips, tissues and Milo (gosh, I don't know what I would have done without Milo when I was breastfeeding those first few weeks). The only thing missing are Hydrogel disks (I'm not getting paid to advertise these by the way. They are just plain brilliant!). Oh my goodness, those breast pads are the most life changing thing a friend gave me and they just about saved my nipples, if I may say so. And oh the bliss when you take them out of the fridge and apply them. Anyway, I haven't found any in time for tomorrow so I might get my friend some when the baby is born.

Another thing I thought about including, then thought it might be best not to as I don't want to frighten the poor woman, are the unmentionable disposable briefs. Yeah, I won't go into any details, but let me just say that you don't want to put your cutest underwear in your maternity bag. Oh no. They'll end up in the bin - believe me!

So, is there anything else you'd put in a New Mum Breastfeeding Station? I'd love to hear your ideas, on here or on Facebook.

Thank you for reading, and Kia Kaha, as always!

Oh that sweet sugar!

Well, a few evenings ago, I thought I was at an AA meeting for sugar addicts. Seriously, my guests and I were introducing ourselves like this:

"Hi, I'm Sarah*, and I am so addicted to sugar. I can't stop eating the stuff."

"Hi, I'm Lynn*, and I like sweet things so much. I find it hard to have any self control when it comes to sweet things".

"Hi, I'm Carol*, and my kids eat way too much sugar. I'd love to know how to cut that down".

I was hosting a Sugar Workshop with Angela Humphrey who is the master-head behind The Sugar Trade blog. A couple of weeks ago, I told you how I was eating myself skinny, and how cutting out sugar had been a huge part of that. I think these days, there is a lot of talk about how sugar is bad for you and how you should stop eating the stuff, but no one is really talking about practical tips on how to do it. I thought Angela was a great person to introduce some ideas to friends interested in making a change.

But here I'd like to tell you about my journey and my family's journey. I'm a baker. I love baking, I love making people feel warm and welcomed with my baking, and it's hard to let one day go by without baking something. But, I have two young children and not much time to fluff around. So I had to find an achievable solution. I did! Hopefully you can see that this is not a hard thing and that baby steps in the right direction are totally ok!

We were sugar addicts:

We were all addicted to sugar. My kids were eating a lot of chocolate and all my home baking contained sugar. My husband was putting 2 to 3 tsp of sugar in his tea or coffee, I was putting 1. We were adding sugar to our natural yoghurt, cereals, other hot drinks, sauces, and the list goes on.

Something had to change!

I did a lot of reading and research and realized that the bad stuff that was making us addicted, sick and fat was the fructose part of sugar (which is made of fructose and glucose in equal parts). If you'd like to know more about how sugar is bad for you, head over this way to "21 reasons to eat less sugar". The glucose however, our body needs, uses and burns to give us energy!

Fructose was the meanie and fructose had to go!

Changes I made on the family level:

Two years ago, I ditched all my sugar and bought a 25kg bag of powdered glucose. You can easily find smaller quantities in supermarkets. Glucose was an easy swap because in all my recipes I simply put the same quantity of glucose as what is required of sugar. So 1 cup sugar = 1 cup glucose. EASY. Glucose is a little less sweet, which is a good thing too. A few weeks after this change, my hubby had lost 5kgs! I also use Rice malt syrup, honey and glucose syrup. You can read more on alternatives to sugar on Angela's blog post on sugar alternatives.

One big thing I'm aware of now is food labels. I check the grams of sugar, divide it by 4, and that tells me how many teaspoons of sugar are in one serving. This is very eye-opening, and a helpful guide when I'm shopping. I can make much more informed choices of what I put in my trolley.

That's it! So EASY! Two years on, my kids eat a lot less chocolate (like, a month down the track their Easter baskets were almost untouched) and lollies, my husband puts 2 tsp glucose in his hot drinks and finds cafe baking way too sweet. The 5 kgs he lost was just a silver lining for him, as he's a pretty fit guy anyway.

Changes I made on a personal level:

At the same time as ditching the sugar and switching to glucose, I wanted to lose 20 kgs. I wanted to go hard out, so I ditched sugar, and all its high GI and glucose alternatives. I basically went cold turkey from one day to the next.

I won't lie to you. I suffered from headaches, bad moods, tiredness, grumpiness and bad sugar cravings for about two weeks. But, after that, my energy levels were amazing, I felt amazing, and there was no looking back. I had no baking for about 5 months, while I rapidly lost weight. I knew, however, that this was not sustainable long term because as I've said before, I LOVE BAKING, and I love eating my baking. 

So I did more research and trialled different things, and this is what I now use for myself: whole fruit (not dried), erythritol and stevia. They work for me, and I'm happy to give you some advice on making the switch if you're interested.

Yes, we do make exceptions! When we go to parties, or to see friends, or to a cafe or restaurant, we have sugar. There's no way around it, really, if you want some dessert or baking. But I'm ok with that, because it's not all the time. To be honest with you, my latest sugar loaded exception was at Louis Sergeant Sweet Couture on Featherston St in Wellington. Oh my, oh my... 

(A small note of caution though: when I do make exceptions, I know that I will very likely feel ill for a few hours afterwards - usually nausea and headaches. This does not happen to the rest of the family who eat glucose).

"Mon Tiramisu", Louis Sergeant Sweet Couture

Now before I finish off on this topic, I really want to share with you a recent decadent, delicious and surprising addition to my sugar free sweet treats! The original recipe is on Angela's blog, but here I give you my variation to make it low GI (it's already sugar free):

Green Chocolate Bliss Balls

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Ingredients

1 large avocado

1 tsp vanilla essence

1/2 cup powdered erythritol (I use my coffee grinder)

2 tbsp melted coconut oil

1 cup ground nuts (I use almonds)

1/4 tsp salt

1/8 cup coconut flour

1/2 cup cocoa powder

Instructions

Mash the avocado. Stir in vanilla and coconut oil. 

Mix in all the other ingredients, stirring well as you go.

Scoop up approximately teaspoon size portions, and roll into balls.

Roll in coconut, cocoa powder, ground almonds, etc.

Enjoy!

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That's it. I guess the biggest change we made was in our heads. Once we knew the facts, we decided what was ok and what wasn't for our family, then we forged ahead. I'd love to hear where you're at on your sugar journey or if you have some questions.

Kia Kaha! Be Strong!

*All names in this post are fictional :-).

I'm in the trenches

Life as a stay at home parent can be so hard.

It's hard for me today. I'm sitting on the floor outside the bathroom door while my son finally plays happily in the bath. It's been one of those mornings that started at 6.15am with my son taking his dirty nappy off and putting No Twos all over himself. He then would not stay in bed, so I camped outside his door in a blanket so that every time he opened his door I could send him back to bed. Did I mention I had to take out his light bulb? 

Boy oh boy, life with an almost 3 year old is tough. I vaguely remember going through this phase with my daughter when she was a similar age. So it's kind of reassuring to know that I can only vaguely remember that time with her. 

There is hope!

But today, I just wanted to encourage all of us stay at home Mums and Dads. 

Well done us! Well done, Mama! Well done, Papa!

We deal with this, day in and day out, and we have to dig so deep for that extra dose of patience when all we really want to do is lock ourselves up in our room with a wine (even at 8am, yes yes!) and pretend that he / she didn't exist. Just for just a little while.

But hey, it will be okay. And you're not alone!

God created us with this ability to dig deep into the trenches of our willpower, whatever happens. I knew, even as I stood face to face with my husband this morning and begged him to stay home today, that actually, we were going to be all right. That my son and I would both get through the day.

And now he's happy in the bath. At 11am. Who cares? It's amazing how just a few minutes of peace and calm can get us out of our trenches and back into the sun.

Kia kaha! Be Strong!