Your smile could change a life

It's been a long silence from me. I've been living life. Or rather trying to catch up with life. Or maybe it was just surviving. I'm not too sure, and it doesn't really matter. I'm back!

Winnie the Pooh is such a wise bear...

At our church, we have something at Easter called "Stations of the Cross". The story of Easter is divided into stations. Each station represents one part of the Easter story and is illustrated by a volunteer. I don't consider myself arty, but after much thought and hesitation, I accepted to do one.

Station 10, "Simon helps Jesus carry His cross", jumped out at me. It spoke to me because when I was at the very bottom of my post natal depression hole, and I couldn't carry my burden alone, a few very precious people helped me carry my cross.

My parents flew over from Switzerland (that's over 30 hours of travel!). He carried, burped and fed my newborn son.She cooked, cleaned and entertained my bewildered preschool daughter.

My husband was there and didn't abandon me when I was at my least attractive or appealing. I looked like crap, felt like crap, and behaved like crap. But he loved me. He stayed.

Friends brought over meals.

One friend visited and helped me realize I needed help.

Another friend came over when I was alone with the kids and having a panic attack. She listened, and she prayed. She stayed.

A few friends came to just be with me so I wasn't alone with the children.

A very dear couple did the housework before my parents arrived.

My midwife told me to stop breastfeeding (yes, she did, in New Zealand!) because it was destroying me and I felt like I needed her permission to stop.

My close friends accepted me through that time, even if they didn't fully understand.

And there are others.

Thank you. A thousand times THANK YOU. You know who you are.

You saved my life, one kind gesture at a time. You helped me carry my cross. It didn't weigh over 135kgs like Jesus' cross did. But it might as well have. And I know it wasn't easy for those who helped me. Helping someone you love is often very hard. It can be a hard step to take. It can be fairly easy to ignore. It can hurt to take it. You may want to turn back several times.

Simon helps Jesus carry His cross

Imagine Simon, stepping out of the crowd who was mocking and humiliating Jesus, to help Jesus carry an unbearably heavy cross in the burning heat, up a hill, and knowing that he may very well be crucified too for helping his friend. Yet he did it. Out of love.

How often, in our busy lives, do we ignore the prompting to help one another. We're too busy. It's too hard. It would take too long. What would people think? What would people say? What will I get out of it? It would hurt too much. I'd feel embarrassed. I just can't be bothered...

Let me encourage you to pick up that cross, to reach out and to help. One smile is sometimes all it takes.

You could be saving a day, saving a life.

Kia Kaha! Be strong!

13 Steps to Positive Body Image

Okay, so I'm far from being an expert here. But I'm 33 and I've lived through two post natal depressions and losing 20kgs, so I've kinda had to do quite a bit of work on myself and how I see and accept myself.

So I thought I'd share with you what I've learned that does actually work. I hope it encourages you where you are at, and that you will find some ideas to help you along the road to positive body image.

1) Be thankful for everything your body CAN do.

2)  Find at least one thing about your body that you like and focus on that.

3) Think about how you can enhance that part of your body that you like. It could be with make-up, clothes, a new bra, nail polish, etc.

4) Do one thing for yourself every day. It could be as little as having a HOT cup of tea or coffee, or spraying on some perfume.

5) Make "Mummy / Daddy time" a priority. It is essential that you, as a parent, have some time to yourself to recharge. Otherwise, your tank will run dry, and you will run on empty, and everyone around you will pay for it. My husband and I have a deal: every weekend, he gets up to half a day to do his thing, and I get up to half a day.

If for some reason it doesn't work out once in a while, that's life. Don't beat yourself up. Take a deep breath and get through to the following week.

6) Make a list of what you'd enjoy doing during your "Mummy / Daddy time". Plan what you could do for your next one. You can't imagine all the positive energy that courses through you as you look forward to it during the week.

7) Choose one thing about your body that you don't like and think about how you could change that around. I hated my stretch marks after having babies, but I've now changed my mind. I now love them because if I didn't have them, I wouldn't have my two gorgeous children to love and cherish.

8) Once you've achieved number 7, choose another thing you don't like and work on that one. I'm working on my dislike of my thighs at the moment. Brrr... I shiver at the thought of them.

9) Accept that if you're a woman, you will probably never be entirely happy about your body - and that's OK.

10) Ask your partner what he/she loves about your body. You might be surprised and it could help you like those bits of you that you struggle with.

11) Thank God every day (or every time you think of it) for being alive and for being you.

12) On your mirror, write "I am beautiful".

13) Remind yourself that "true beauty" is not simply skin deep. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.

I love that we are all beautiful. I love that we are all made unique and priceless.

What are your steps to positive body image? What helps or has helped you?

Kia Kaha! Be strong!

PS. Yes, I do love Audrey Hepburn. I believe she's one of the most beautiful women, inside and out.

The dreaded weigh-in

Well, I'm a little down in the dumps tonight. I had my weekly weigh-in and I had only lost 100g. In case you're a new reader, I'll put you in the picture. From October 2012 to March 2013,

I lost 20kgs. 

And I was down proud of myself. Then started the long road to stabilization and to keeping that weight. It's so much harder than losing weight! So by August I was

up to 74kgs.

I joined Weight Watchers, because I'm the kinda girl who needs accountability. I need to know that I'm gonna get weighed every week. It worked. Late November I was back

down to 71kgs. 

Then came my dear father in law, whom I love dearly, but who takes us out to restaurants all the time. Then came Christmas and New Year celebrations. And - no WW meetings... At the first January weigh-in, I was

back up to 74kgs. 

Argh!!! My heart fell and I was so discouraged. But I'm not the kinda girl who's going to stay down. So I picked myself up and started watching what I was eating again. I still get to eat delicious things. But in moderation.

I've been trying harder the past two weeks. I went to the weekly weigh-in tonight, pretty confident. But I left with my heart in my feet, and looking at my feet.

I hate this love-hate relationship I have with food. I love good food. And I love eating. But I feel so much better now that I'm lighter and I have this huge fear of becoming very overweight again.

If you can relate, that's cool. If you can't, that's cool too. And if you're thinking, "man, what is she complaining about, she's lost all that weight already!", I hear ya, and that's cool. We're all at different stages. Some of us are happy with our body shape, some of us aren't. If we're not, and there's something healthy we can do about it, then we probably should. If we are happy, hallelujah, praise God!

I already feel much better having shared with you all. I love being open and honest. If you're struggling with weight-loss, or weight management, or body image, I'd love to hear from you. We're all in this together and we can support each other.

And now I will leave you for today and go and track what I ate today, because I haven't been doing that since early December, and maybe, maybe, there's the key for me.

Despite this battle with food, I must say that I pretty much like my body these days. Stretch marks and all. In my next post, I will share some of the steps I've worked out to positive body image.

Kia Kaha, Be Strong!

The dreaded weigh-in

Well, I'm a little down in the dumps tonight. I had my weekly weigh-in and I had only lost 100g. In case you're a new reader, I'll put you in the picture. From October 2012 to March 2013,

I lost 20kgs. 

And I was down proud of myself. Then started the long road to stabilization and to keeping that weight. It's so much harder than losing weight! So by August I was

up to 74kgs.

I joined Weight Watchers, because I'm the kinda girl who needs accountability. I need to know that I'm gonna get weighed every week. It worked. Late November I was back

down to 71kgs. 

Then came my dear father in law, whom I love dearly, but who takes us out to restaurants all the time. Then came Christmas and New Year celebrations. And - no WW meetings... At the first January weigh-in, I was

back up to 74kgs. 

Argh!!! My heart fell and I was so discouraged. But I'm not the kinda girl who's going to stay down. So I picked myself up and started watching what I was eating again. I still get to eat delicious things. But in moderation.

I've been trying harder the past two weeks. I went to the weekly weigh-in tonight, pretty confident. But I left with my heart in my feet, and looking at my feet.

I hate this love-hate relationship I have with food. I love good food. And I love eating. But I feel so much better now that I'm lighter and I have this huge fear of becoming very overweight again.

If you can relate, that's cool. If you can't, that's cool too. And if you're thinking, "man, what is she complaining about, she's lost all that weight already!", I hear ya, and that's cool. We're all at different stages. Some of us are happy with our body shape, some of us aren't. If we're not, and there's something healthy we can do about it, then we probably should. If we are happy, hallelujah, praise God!

I already feel much better having shared with you all. I love being open and honest. If you're struggling with weight-loss, or weight management, or body image, I'd love to hear from you. We're all in this together and we can support each other.

And now I will leave you for today and go and track what I ate today, because I haven't been doing that since early December, and maybe, maybe, there's the key for me.

Despite this battle with food, I must say that I pretty much like my body these days. Stretch marks and all. In my next post, I will share some of the steps I've worked out to positive body image.

Kia Kaha, Be Strong!

Ode to the Imperfect Mum

Right. This post is going to be very revealing. Be warned. You may not like it. But I want to be honest. And open. That's why I started blogging. So here goes...

Do you believe in the perfect Mum? Do you believe she's out there and she out bests you in just about everything? Can you see her clearly in your mind or is she kinda vague?

"My Perfect Mum", in no particular order,

• always wears the latest fashion with grace,
• has perfectly cut and styled hair,
• always has clean shaven legs, underarms and bikini,
• does heaps of crafts with her kids,
• wears high heals and still manages to run after her kids with style,
• is an amazing cook and baker,
• always wears sexy underwear,
• is always willing to have sex because she's never dead tired at the end of the day,
• is super organized, but also manages to be super laid-back and spontaneous,
• her house is always tidy and clean,
• exercises 4 times a week,
• lets her kids paint at home,
• wears makeup every day,
• loves being a full time Stay At Home Mum, 
• her kids never have public melt downs,
• never yells at her kids.
• (feel free to add to this list)

Enter Ann, the Imperfect Mum. She

• cannot afford the latest fashion or many clothes at all, but does her best with what she has,
• occasionally gets a haircut,
• usually has clean shaven legs and underarms but you can never be sure, 
• sometimes does very average crafts with her kids,
• now hates wearing high heals, even on date nights (oh the nightmare walking from the car to the restaurant or the movies and back!),
• is an amazing cook and baker (well I got that the same as her),
• occasionally wears sexy underwear if she can locate them,
• often has to dig very deep to find the energy to have sex at the end of the day,
• is kinda organized (but probably appears super organized to some), and rather tense,
• her house is mostly tidy and clean,
• hardly ever exercises,
• hardly ever lets the kids paint at home (oh my goodness imagine the mess!!)
• wears makeup on date nights or to go to work, but usually ends up rubbing her eyes and smudging it all up,
• can't stand being a full time Stay At Home Mum,
• her kids sometimes have embarrassing public melt downs,
• regularly loses the plot and yells at the kids (especially between 4pm and 7pm).

Dear male readers who've read this far (I bow to thee!), do you think maybe some of you have the same or a similar image of the perfect Mum as me? Please do prove me wrong - I would love to be wrong tonight!

As I sit here at a cafe table, looking chilled and busy, no one can see the toy police car in my handbag. Or the chewing gum I use to bribe my daughter into obeying me when I'm desperate. I don't have kids with me, so I don't feel observed and defined as a "perfect" or "imperfect" Mum. I just am. It's very liberating. And yet, shouldn't I be able to just be when my kids are with me?

I guess I want to believe that the perfect Mum exists as I see her (I'd love to be her - who wouldn't?). But if I'm perfectly honest, I hate the idea of her.

I hate that some Mums make me believe she exists and that I'm such a failure.

I hate that some Mums I see or meet don't talk openly about their struggles and failures. I hate that a lot of Mums compete with and compare each other.

Why can't we just be? Why can't we show our weaknesses and encourage each other on this extremely hard yet beautiful road that is motherhood?

Today I encourage you, the "imperfect Mum", to lift up your chin and be proud of who you are and what you are doing as a parent. Because despite your possibly visible "imperfections",

I know that you love your child(ren) perfectly. 
Even if sometimes you don't particularly like them.

And at the end of the day, what you did or didn't feed them, what you did or didn't do, whether you have sex or not and whatever your shape or size is, it doesn't matter.

What does matter is that you are doing your best and love your children. What matters is that God says to you, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Kia Kaha- Be Strong!

One dough - Two ways!

Ohhh my dear readers, I luuuuv food and I have some real heart warming yummyness for you today! I make both these savoury and sweet scrolls at the same time, and serve them for lunch. We can all pick and choose what or in what order we eat them. They are at their best when still warm from the oven. Gosh, it's hard to stop then! They are so easy to make, so do give it a go, and let the kids help :-).

Bread Dough:

Choose one large mugs from your cupboard.

In your bread machine, put, in this order:

- 1 mug water
- 1.5 tsp salt
- 1 tbsp brown sugar or glucose powder (for more on why I use glucose, see this great blog)
- 1 tbsp oil
- 1 mug wholemeal flour
- 1.5 mug high grade white flour
- 2.5 generous tsp yeast

Set your machine to the dough making setting and let it do its thing (I am SO addicted to my bread machine!).

When the dough is ready, turn it out onto your workbench and divide into two.

Preheat your oven to 200 degrees Celcius.

For Savoury Scrolls:

Roll out into an oval shape.

Spread onto it whatever tickles your fancy. It could be (one or a combination of):
- aioli
- tomato sauce
- mustard
- mayonnaise
- tomato paste
- tapenade (olive paste)
- pesto
- etc.

Then add (one or a combination of):
- grated cheese
- finely chopped fried onions
- finely chopped ham or bacon
- etc.

Roll the dough on itself lengthwise and tightly:

To cut evenly and without squashing your "sausage", here's a trick a dear friend once gave me and it changed my life! (that's only a slight exaggeration) Cut a long piece of sewing thread, and fold it onto itself three times. Slide it under the "sausage" to the desired scroll thickness, cross both ends over, and squeeze. Ta daaaa!

Place scrolls onto a greased baking tray or dish, side by side. Melt 1 tbsp of butter, and brush over scrolls.

For Sweet and Sticky Scrolls:

Roll out into an oval shape.

In a pan, melt together:
- 2 tbsp butter
- 2 tbsp brown sugar
- 1 tbsp golden syrup (or liquide glucose - for more on why, see this great blog)
- 1 tsp vanilla essence

Spread 3 or 4 tbsp of mixture onto your oval dough. Pour the rest into a greased round baking dish.

On the dough, add some brown sugar and cinnamon, to taste.

Roll the dough on itself lengthwise and tightly, then cut as above for the savoury scrolls. Place scrolls in baking dish on top of the sweet mix.

Put both baking dishes into the oven and bake for 5 minutes. Lower temperature to 180 degrees Celsius and cook another 10 minutes.

Turn over the sweet scrolls rapidly onto a serving place, before the caramel hardens.

Enjoy warm or cold...And beware! These disappear very fast.

Bon appétit!

You are enough!

Oh yummmm. I've just had the yummiest spoonful of peanut butter with a glass of milk. Heaven!

Anyway, today, as I sit in front of my computer and think about all of you, male or female, I want to tell you this:

You Are Enough!

Say it after me.

I am enough.

When you get up in the middle of the night for a crying baby, a wet bed, a sick child, a kid's nightmare, a drunk teenager, a violent partner.

You are enough.

When you get up in the morning and you look at yourself in the mirror and you lift those shoulders and keep your chin up and bravely face the day.

When you wipe one more bottom. Play one more game of cars. Make one more batch of playdough. Clean one more nose. Wipe up yet another spill. Sweep the floor the upteenth time. Fold another heap of laundry. Empty the dishwasher yet again. Bake one more cake. Prepare one more meal. Change another sticky yucky nappy. Brush teeth. Calm a tantrum. Mediate between fighting kids. Tidy gazillions of toys. No need to keep going - you get the idea.

You are enough.

When you look at yourself in the mirror and see the shadows under your eyes, the developing crease between your eyebrows (yep, you know the one), the signs of laughter around your mouth, the beautiful stretch marks on your tummy, the growing bump you love or dislike.

You are beautiful. You are enough.

When you catch your partner watching porn.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

When you run around the supermarket with your kids driving you insane with incessant "I want this", "can we buy that?", "look Mummy, how about this?".

When your kids look at the meal you've dug deep to make for them and say "Yuck, I don't like this Mum", and all you feel like doing is bursting into tears. Or when your partner unknowingly says "Pesto pasta again?" (ha ha there goes the sexe tonight!)

When you work several jobs, and look after the household, and spend time with your kids, and do your best to nurture your relationship with your partner, and give yourself physically when all you want is to hide under the covers and SLEEP!

You are enough.

When you are trying your best, but you think it's not enough. When you are striving to be the best Mum, but you end up yelling at your kids. When you are doing everything in your power to be the best wife you can be, but the daily grind is killing romance.

There will always be a when.

But let me say this to you today. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are a hero. You are enough.

Kia kaha! Be strong!

And do drop me a line in the comment box below. Bloggers live for comments and interaction with their readers. I'd love to hear from you :-).